Monina Tanseco La'O who had been with COP from its earliest days serving as Editor of its Newsletter and also as Head of a weekly Centering Prayer group, passed away on Jan. 2, 2012 after almost 1 1/2 years battling cancer. The whole COP community mourns her passing and will remember her with much affection for the gentle and deeply caring person that she was.  Our deepest sympathy to Monina's family.

Below is a tribute to Monina delivered during her wake at Santuario de San Antonio, Forbes Park, Makati, by Chuchi Daroy, Monina's close friend in COP.

TRIBUTE TO MONINA IN BEHALF OF COP

by Chuchi Daroy

Monina has been one of the influential people in my spiritual journey through Centering Prayer. Before I knew her as a wife and mother, she struck me as a God-centered woman, who ordered her life and decisions around His will for her. Through her guidance and sharing, we in the Bethany Centering Prayer Group experienced a heightened sense of Spirit and deep community in our weekly visitations. With her, we bonded in a shared faith and growing trust in the contemplative life, of which she was an ardent advocate.

She recruited me to work with her on several issues of the COP Newsletter and a few special magazines for the anniversaries. Here I got to know her as an artistic soul whose reflective essays and touching poetry opened my own artful self to new dimensions of a prayer-filled existence.

Being in her presence, I grew to love this dear friend of mine, seeing in her a sense of beauty and graceful poise in handling the challenges that life would put on her plate. Like the apostle of Jesus, she was a Christian without guile, open in mind and heart to God’s presence and action in her life.

This last year, spent living with a serious illness, she never failed to inspire me with her courage and hope that shone brightly like the sunsets that beamed through the window in her specially chosen room in the hospital.

I strongly believe Monina walked the life eternal way before she left this earth because the rare visits I had with her left me breathless with the touch of heaven that seeing her and hearing her would bring. Thank you, Monina, for your presence and love.

SERENITY IN THE JOURNEY INTO LOVE

by Charit Montalban

Centering Prayer has taught me that people who are genuine and deep are truly beyond words, and any attempt to capture their essence will fall short. With this assurance I write about Monina La’O who joined her Beloved on Jan. 2, 2012.

Monina was without guile, honest in a loving way – and this is what I miss the most. I felt very safe sharing my thoughts with her, and looked forward to her response because I valued her perspective. Our “private exchanges to test each other’s thoughts” were not frequent, but definitely precious.

Her sister remarked she was one to take on the jobs nobody wanted – and that Monina was! She worked in two places where it was not easy to get volunteers for – in Bagong Silang, a marginalized parish in an urban poor community, and in the Correctional Institute for Women (CIW).

Monina inspired because she was deeply rooted. In her last email in Nov 2010, she wrote:

“But what I want to share with you, Charit, is that this new special journey Jesus is taking with me through my illness has begun. In my understanding, at least. And if my understanding is right, it will be long and arduous. I see a road that is quite possible the one for me but I won’t really know for sure until it goes on that exact route. If this really is the one, I feel I can’t let anyone privy to it. Or so my prayer with Jesus says. It’s really a road for Him and me alone.

Long and arduous. Sounds scary too, maybe, but He’ll be holding my hand so, in a quiet assuring way, I am at peace with Him. Well, that’s probably what you see in my disposition. I thank God for this and dear friends like you I can share myself with. Let’s keep in touch! – Monina”

WHERE AM I NOW IN MY SPIRITUAL JOURNEY?

by Marge Tambunting

Being an Assumption girl and having understood what our Foundress, Mother Marie Eugenie, said that “Everybody has a talent and a grace….”, I ask myself: “To do what?”. After reflecting on this question, my response is the following:

I realize more than ever that one has to look at herself from a distance with a renewed sense of perspective, a sense of humor to shift one’s focus of attention, thus bringing out the human spirit at work to relate to something beyond one’s self.
I value self-transcendence, that is, going and growing towards one’s ultimate goal – God.

I also value the freedom to respond to the different situations that I meet in daily life, going into that “sacred space” where I am connected to the Spirit within me. This divine encounter is such a powerful and life-changing experience!

In this grace-filled and liberating space, one is able to see one’s fears and phantoms and let them go, as well as forgive oneself/others, ending unnecessary suffering.

I am inspired to be more committed to my calling and mission in life, asking God to change and and renew me so that I may fulfill my potential.

“Lord, make me bread, break me, and pass me around” that I may be the best of what You meant me to be.”

MY I.O.U. TO THE BELOVED

by Sr. Victoria

Valentine's Day! It's all about "heart" today, isn't it? Sometimes, our hearts are so full of love and gratitude that it feels like they will burst. At other times, those same hearts feel as though they are breaking from hurt and disappointment. We have probably all known both. But, do we see both experiences as able to accomplish the same thing?

In the first experience, we are filled to overflowing. Love is seeking to make our hearts bigger so that they can hold more Love. That breaking, or expansion, carries a sweetness in the pain. We can experience this as we look into the innocent face of our newborn; into the eyes of our lover; or as we share in the success of someone we cherish. This heart expansion can happen as we stand in awe at the wonder of nature; the breathtaking expanse of the night sky, majestic mountain peaks, or the utter perfection of a small wildflower. It can happen as we feel the gentle touch of the Beloved.

In the second breaking of our heart, our experience is totally different. The ache we feel is not from pleasure, but from pain; the callous word spoken; the dismissive look; feeling left out and misunderstood; or having someone say or do something to deliberately hurt us. Our hearts break as we look down at the lifeless form of a parent, child, or spouse who has died. We are broken in our overwhelming sense of aloneness.

As I have pondered these things, I have been reminded of the saying: "All is blessing". There are times I nod in agreement with this. There are other times when I am at a loss as to where the blessing in my pain can possibly be found. Yet, when I look back over my life, I realize that great blessing was always born from the ashes of great pain. Something in me died and, eventually, something else in me was brought into being.

The Beloved asks me to trust in Wisdom to know how to bring blessing from all that happens in my life. Sometimes it feels almost impossible to trust in the midst of the pain. I simply want to cry out: "Why? Why this? How can blessing possibly be born from this?" Then, days, weeks or months later, I look back and I DO see how fresh green shoots of new life are being brought forth, and I vow to be more trusting the next time. And this works, until the next time comes.

Ah.....what strange beings we are. Over and over again the Beloved proves to be trustworthy. Yet, most of us find it difficult to rest in trusting Love when our hearts are breaking. And so, my small, sometimes frightened, fragile heart offers a valentine to the Beloved.....an "IOU" promising.....dare I say it?........trust.

THE GREATEST OF THESE IS LOVE

by Fr. Ting Miciano, SDB

There are only three things in life that we cannot escape from: taxes, death and love. I will not speak about taxes for which I have no experience. Death is mostly spoken of in a funeral homily! Let me touch on something about love in this month of love!

Alfred Lord Tennyson once wrote, “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” This should be the mantra of all those who are love-stricken, love-infatuated or love-starved individuals in the world today. Somehow, somewhere, sometime in one’s life, love inevitably comes around and it is the greatest loss in life “never to have loved at all”.  But before I go into details, let me direct your attention to one crucial point. Where does all this love begin? What is its main source? When we speak of genuine love, what are we really talking about?

One of my tried and tested formulas when I give the homily in weddings is to direct the couple’s attention, not exclusively to the love they have for each other but on God’s love for them. With vocal emphasis and matching serious look, I always remind the couples that they cannot love each other, much less devote their very selves to each other for the rest of their lives, if in the first place, they do not posses God’s love in their hearts. The love they have for each other is simply their willing participation in the eternal and binding love of God for all of us. Without this initial and important realization, people, especially those getting married will never be able to grasp the sacredness and endurance of married love, a love that is absolute and forever binding once they say their “Yes, I do.”

And so now, when I mentioned I wish to talk about “love”, will it appear that I’ll be speaking only of a trivial, common and easily replaceable object? I recently saw in the preview of a forthcoming feature on Discovery Channel how a man developed an infatuation with his car, bordering on intimacy. This will definitely sound crazy to everybody’s ears but that’s the reality. Whether we say, “I love my dog, or my iPad, or my Boracay trip, or even my boyfriend”, there will always remain something that is mysterious, hidden, out-of-this-world and uniquely sacred in any form of love. It is simply a calling for each of us to discover that love cannot be understood solely by itself. All genuine love has for its source, God, and must ultimately end in God.

For St. Paul, the only three inescapable things on earth are not those I mentioned at the beginning. Rather he says, “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love, but the greatest of these is love.” (1 Cor 13:13) Why is love the greatest? Unlike faith and hope which indirectly lead us to God (faith IN God, hope IN God), love enables us directly to posses Him as our very object (love GOD). And this is the very meaning of love itself, that it leads us directly to God, who is love. All our other loves are but a participation in and a reflection of God’s love.

‒ Reprinted from the February 2012 Issue of Simbahay

OUR LADY, THE EVERYDAY SAINT

by Chuchi Daroy

Mother, your caress, I seek in my awakening,
My ears strain to hear your song of pondering
The day’s Word reborn in my heart,
Your gift to treasure always, and never to part.

Son, bid you, Mother bind my wounds in her mantle blue,
That in this journey I may remain true to you.
Each day like your Mother to cherish your Word
In silent yearning, and ceaseless prayer to you, O Lord.

Dear Mary, my Mother, teach me your way
Of faithful following Christ through all of each day,
In sorrow and pain to steadfastly sit by the Cross
That bears the fruit of joy and peace at this Love’s pause.

LAY COMMUNITY IN CONTEMPLATIVE LIVING ‒ ST. IGNATIUS GROUP

MY LCCL EXPERIENCE YEAR 2008

by Telly Escueta ‒ St. Ignatius Group, Quezon City

When I was invited to join the St. Ignatius LCCL by our support group head, Agnes Chan, I was half hearted and full of questions. As the guidelines stipulated, I must make a commitment to attend six(6) consecutive monthly meetings (one day per month) without fail and I must also make a commitment to live a contemplative lifestyle by creating my individual Contemplative Living Statement, something that I have to dig down deep within me. What do I really want? That simple but terrible question hounded me again and again. I remember someone remarking in a half question, 'Wouldn't it be too scrutinizing?' And being a lay community, its main purpose is to support each other in our desire to be transformed in Christ by living the contemplative way in daily life. Another key word here is community. Being part of a community entails not only taking care of yourself but also opening yourself to others in a spirit of mutual support. All of these are enough for me to turn back and hide in my 'self-sanctuary'. But God has a way of leading me where He wants us to be.

And this is where God led me, the LCCL (Lay Community in Contemplative Living). I am not an expressive person and this is my first time to join a group where I can explore and at the same time voice out the difficulties, struggles, joy, frustrations of my spiritual journey. In this place where God sent me, I found a safe haven where I can let go and share my hidden yearnings and emotions without being met with raised eyebrows. I often find myself empathizing with the sharing of a member. Sometimes, when someone speaks from her heart, it seems that I hear myself speaking through her. Many times I hear hidden emotions being voiced out by someone else and I will say to myself, she is talking about my pain or my fear or my deep yearning for God. I learned to speak, listen, cry and laugh with my co-pilgrims in LCCL. I felt the guidance of the Holy Spirit always in our midst.

It is a transforming experience but it is not the end of the struggle for me. I learned to be humble, because I became aware of how lacking I am in perseverance. Problems in my everyday life will not cease but I am grateful because this has given me the grace and openness to listen to what God has to say to me. There is also a reminder for me to be gentle with myself and to always trust that God will stretch me when I am ready. As Mother Theresa of Calcutta says, 'I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much'.

MOVEMENTS OF THE SPIRIT IN MY LIFE

by Susan Grace Rivera

“I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5)

Like all graces and gifts that God grants us generously, I believe that Centering Prayer and Lectio Divina are gifts that have always been with us. But we are led to discover them only in God’s time. My time was 1995. It was for me a time of “coming to shore” after close to two decades of sturm und drang ‒ a time of great unrest and turmoil.

Like you, I, too am on a journey. Mine has by far spanned all of 53 colorful years. From the time I joined the ranks of the “golden girls,” when I look back at my life, I find that it makes sense to segment them in stages. Passages might even be a good term, as the stages do mark movements ‒ no different from that we find in classical music. I see now in retrospect that the movements in my life, while separate and distinct, each with its own form and tempo, are part of a larger piece of music that only God can compose. And wonderfully, I discover that it is that pause, that silence in between all these movements that allows me to recognize what is happening.

Stage 1 - Age of Innocence

The first 10 years of my life were most idyllic! The age of complete innocence. We were a middle-class family rising from a background of material poverty, but I felt loved and completely cared for. I grew up in the Cordillera mountains where I was born, baptized and raised. God to me then was the Great provider in the sky, the One my brother and I would get down on our knees to pray to before going to bed. The same God who sent Santa Claus to check on us ever so often. And I must have been really good because every thing I asked for I got! Of course, I was also to find out that my parents hand-delivered our letters to Santa. They were the “brokers.”

Stage 2 - The Great Storm

The next 10 years was literally a time of storm and stress. In the name of progress, my family had to move to another mining company in the province of Marinduque, Southern Tagalog. With the best of intentions, my parents left me behind with relatives. The trauma of that separation at the age of 10, and many other situations of being away from family for long periods of time created in me a strong need to be in control of situations. My mantra emerged ‒ “know, understand, predict, and control.” It became paramount for me to be self-sufficient, independent, on top of things.

Yet paradoxically, while I excelled in my studies then, which was my way of showing the world I was in control, deep inside I was lost, empty and torn apart. This is an excerpt from a poem I wrote when I was 16:

This was the emptiness and brokenness that led me to a life of heavy drug abuse. A fast lane and slippery slope at the same time. Name it, I did it ‒ lie, steal, manipulate people, sell body and soul ‒ all for a quick fix. Attempted suicide three times! All to naught. Where was God in all these? To me then, He was non-existent. He was just another form of opium people created in their minds. The closest I got to a spiritual life was hanging around friends who were followers of the Ananda Marga cult. I even had a name ‒ Lakshmi, the goddess of fortune. Such irony. Yet, I was to see later that my true God worked through my parents who, with tough love and great sacrifice, got me a court order and sent me to rehab for two years.

Stage 3 - Coming to Shore

The third segment of my life saw me getting married at 17, having my first child ‒ Ramona ‒ at 18, going “straight” and back to school, getting my first formal job, and starting a career. The structure, the no-nonsense clarity, the practical, mundane, controllable character of work anchored me. While my marriage lasted only 8 years, the darkness and difficulties of those years strengthened me.

God at this juncture was still a distant figure I called on for help and rescue during times of need. He was my “Plan B,” in case things did not work out as I planned. But He was working on me in other ways, ever so subtly and gently ‒ through my mind. He created a deep curiosity, a deep yearning to know and learn more about life on earth, about man, and his relationship with heaven if there was one. He made me a serious student. When I intimated to a friend that I wanted to become Buddhist, he encouraged me to know Jesus Christ more. I listened to my friend. I even enrolled in the San Carlos Seminary for a few semesters to study Salvation History, the doctrines and teachings of Pope John Paul II, and other subjects. As if 14 years of Catechism and Theology in Catholic schools were not enough. Indeed, it was not about instruction at all. God worked through my friend, and more such friends came to my life with the same message thereafter. It was a time of exciting discovery ‒ of gifts, of new relationships, of an inner life that brought intermittent peace. Even in the face of daunting trials and tribulation on all fronts.

Stage 4 - Searching Anew

Crisis, crossroads, and new challenges characterized the fourth segment of my life. I was most grateful for what I had. God enriched my life with new gifts and miracles big and small. I met my husband, Delfin, and our relationship gave birth to two marvelous children ‒ Gabbi and Amico ‒ at a time when I was officially declared as infertile! The Lord of provisions also gave me opportunities to work in roles that allowed me to put my skills and competencies to practical use. I had a thriving career, a growing family, wonderful friends, the resources to learn new things and see the world.

Yet another form of addiction was taking over. I found myself being consumed by the need to achieve, to acquire, to gain adulation from all my accomplishments. And to do so, I needed to work 16-hour days, 80-hour weeks in an environment of greed and avarice ‒ one that clearly wanted more, to get ahead, faster, at all cost. I was burning out again! After a long day’s work, I would get home to a family that was fast asleep, the same family that was asleep when I left for work at dawn. I found myself moving to a space where a nagging thought was always rising to the surface of my consciousness ‒ “Is this what life is all about? This is it?” And the aching emptiness that nothing, no one can fill, the same emptiness I experienced at 16 was back at 36. Or perhaps never really left.

Until that divinely appointed day when I attended Lita Salinas’s Centering Prayer Introductory Workshop in Santuario de San Antonio. I found Centering Prayer and Lectio Divina! Or it found me ‒ made ready by the simple act of consent born out of the realization that “without Him I can do nothing.” It took all these years, the passages from one stage of life to another, and all the accumulated warts and wounds that came with my human condition for me to say “yes” to a God whose patience and tender mercies know no boundaries.

Stage 5 - New Ascent to Heights Unscaled, New Descent to Depths Unfathomed

The wayward branch that I have always been has found that all along those painful passages in my life, the vine has always kept me connected. Even when it was hardly a thread, a strand of hair. With His divine love and healing action, I simply had to sit and listen. Two times a day or more. It is that discipline and commitment which I have prayed for that keeps me steadfast in the prayer, in the purity of faith.

How am I to describe where I am in my journey now? How am I to describe the peace, the joy, the love that effortlessly flows out of the Holy Spirit’s work?

One fruit is the courage to leave behind the world I knew so well, even when every one said ‒ “Are you out of your mind?” It is the gift of boldness to say enough to this insatiable hunger for more material goods to own, to have. It is simply “being” and “listening” to His promptings ‒ gentle nudges that point me to service. It is love manifested, it is kindness and goodness in action that calls for no reward other than itself. It is perhaps what is meant by “glorifying” God. It is following His lead by being awake, alert, actively listening every moment to His message. To me, they come in the words and actions of people I meet, in the gentle afternoon breeze, my conversation with my children after school, in the anger that wells up in me that I become so aware of but let go of, or the deep frustration that is about to explode but is calmed by one breath, one sacred word. Oh the many languages of God! And foremost of these is silence.

It is in silence that I am able to connect instead of control, to simply be instead of trying hard to become, to be awed and inspired instead of struggling to explain, to respect and accept others as they are, instead of my futile attempts to fix or change.

What a joy to be a holy fool for Christ! I find now that I am awake. I am deeply conscious of God within, even as my puny mind continues to be overwhelmed with love by the God without. And to think that He has come forth through the very human condition that has alienated me from Him in the first place.

What about you, my dear friend? If you were to look back to your life, how has the Spirit moved you through your own human condition? What kind of a branch were you, and how are you evolving?

I would like to know you more. So that I can love you. And we can both do so as Christ knows and loves us.

I AM GOD'S BELOVED

by Florian Z. Brioso

Giving a talk or sharing to a lot of people scares me a lot. I’m not a good public speaker and I don’t usually have the guts to stand before many people. I even asked Agnes to give me time to discern and pray whether I should pursue this sharing. One day, while I was doing my Centering Prayer, God gave his answer thru Lectio, in particular, the reading of 2 Timothy 1:7-8 “For God did not give us a spirit of cowardice, but rather of power and love and self control, so do not be ashamed of your testimony to our Lord. Nor of me, but bear your share of hardship for the gospel with the strength that comes from God.” During my darkest days, I sought God. I was thirsty for His love and guidance. So confused and anxious, I never knew what path to tread. I almost died within myself because hindi ko talaga alam ang gagawin at papaano mabibigyan ng solusyon ang problema ko. What I did then was attend Mass, visit the Blessed Sacrament and pray the rosary and the Divine Mercy novena and wished God would answer my prayers. I kept telling myself not to give up because someday pakikingan din nya ako. Pero in the end, ako ang nag give up. For God’s way was not my way. In one of my visits to the Blessed Sacrament, I told Him “Lord, ayoko na. Pagod na pagod na ako. Hindi ko na kaya.” Since I was alone that moment, I cried in the silence of my heart. Nakatulog ako ng mahimbing. Suddenly, I heard a voice calling my name “Florian, mahal na mahal kita.” At dahil sa aking kahinaan, nasabi ko, “Lord kay tagal kita hinintay, bakit ngayon ka lang?” In my own weakness, God gave me strength. I felt ashamed of myself and I asked for His forgiveness. I realized that His unconditional love is beyond my understanding. I seized the moment to ponder his words of love and treasured it. Everything changed because He gave me hope. Problems come and go. But in my life Lord, your will be done.

A MEDITATION ON CENTERING PRAYER AND POVERTY OF SPIRIT

by Sydney S. Orr

Fr. Keating recommends studying the beatitudes. The beatitudes, especially poverty of spirit, seem to stand out in the heart of his writing. It seems to me I can take satisfaction in my gifts, even the gift of Centering Prayer, and it needs a poverty of spirit. This poverty is like learning to be without regard to myself or with self-reflection. This poverty is like having an identity that is not concerned about my self-worth. It seems to me my spirit needs no thought of being thanked or repaid, even no regard for appreciation. This poverty is like breaking down my pride and allowing the unfolding of the Divine in my spirit.

This poverty of spirit seems to allow the virtue of humility to be there, especially when my pride thinks it is making good things happen. My pride is like vainglory and it can take special satisfaction in my virtue of being well-intentioned. My pride wants me to call attention to my generosity. I truly like being repaid for being generous. My pride is like a hidden “goodness” within, calling attention to my selflessness, being humble, being self-sacrificial and then wanting to be repaid for being generous. Yet in all reality, my pride is a fundamental denial of the loss of contact with Being and the loss of contact with real love.

Fr. Keating’s words remind me to not be overly affected by my experiences and once again learn to be present. Yet my experiences fill me with pride and I suspect this is my wanting to fill up my nothingness with pride. There is even a side of me that wants to sustain a particular identity, like an image or idea of myself. Yet it seems if I am true to this diamond within, I need poverty of spirit for the richness of God to flow within and without my creating anything about who I am. This simply resting in the ground of Being appears to be the source of everything, even who I am.

Poverty in spirit seems critical in Centering Prayer and this poverty can be communicated in how I flow with life, feeling calm and balanced, regardless of the ups and downs. Poverty of spirit seems to be the key and just learning to be relaxed with the energies of life without trying to control any of it. Poverty of spirit, from Centering Prayer, communicates the need to be present and awake, yet at a place where identity and self-worth do not arise. This poverty feels like freeing the self from experiences, so pride does not need to make things happen.

The freedom to be is like being truly free of an unbound state, such as with my pride. Moving this pride is an enormous accomplishment and everything in life is changing because of it. This shift in my center is a profound reorganization. It is like being in self-possession and learning to self-surrender to this poverty of spirit. There is no self-consciousness and alienation here. It is like effortlessly being so human and so receptive it makes my body shake and tremble inside. When all is said and done, this Centering Prayer is a gift, just as our Supreme Being is a gift to each of us, just as each of you are a living reminder of this gift.

‒ From CO e-News, Jan. 2012

SOUGHT THROUGH PRAYER AND MEDITATION

by Tom Skinner

When I found AA (or AA found me) back in 1978, I had no idea that the sickly state of my own spirituality was one of the major components of my alcoholism. The dawn came early as I worked through the steps (especially the 11th Step). I was divorced and had custody of six children. I went to a Bible study class for the divorced and separated for all the wrong reasons. I was lonely and thought I might meet someone there. I did meet a woman there, but she wasn’t exactly what I was looking for. She was leading the meeting and had a calmness and friendliness (maybe a holiness) that was unusual. She suggested that we close our Bibles and begin by just sitting silently, with eyes closed, for a few minutes in God’s presence, letting our meandering thoughts go...I had never done that before...A serenity descended on the room...I heard a bird-singing outside...I was part of nature again...It was my first meditation. For twenty years, until her death, this woman, Mary Mrozowski, was friend and spiritual advisor to me. She later started a retreat house in New York and co-founded Contemplative Outreach. About three years ago, at our monthly business meeting (Crane Road Group, Scarsdale, New York), we were discussing the possible cancellation of our 6:15 p.m. Saturday topic meeting due to poor attendance. I suggested that we first try to replace it with a candlelit 11th Step meditation meeting. I was asked to develop the guidelines for such a meeting (later approved by the group).

The guidelines included a period of silence (20 minutes) preceded by a few short reading of words that are integral to the 11th Step. The 11th Step Prayer (prayer of St. Francis) is read twice slowly, along with a few inspiring words written by Bill Wilson. The silence is followed by a speaker who shares on the 11th Step for about five minutes and sharing around the room.

The room is usually full to capacity, and members of other groups often join us. The meetings are carefully in the AA tradition. Most attendees now practice some form of silent meditation at home. All of the regular attendees have experienced pronounced changes in their spiritual lives and a deepening of their relationship with God.

‒ Taken from Contemplative Outreach News, Vol. 17, No. 2 Fall 2003/Winter 2004

SNOWMASS

by Billie Trinidad

"Contemplative prayer is the world in which God can do anything." These were the words that struck me when I first picked up a copy of Open Mind, Open Heart. I know of course, that God can do anything, but it staggered my mind to think that contemplative prayer could actually bring this about; that all I had to do was sit in silence in a posture of consent, for 20 minutes, and like magic, God would take over my life?

As the years passed, I came to realize of course, it wasn't about magic... just a constant day to day hanging in there and learning to put up with whatever came my way, for the love of God, with the Divine Planner at my back. In other words, I just did the prayer because I knew it was good for me, and quite forgot about the world in which God could do anything.

One day, I went to Snowmass for a retreat, and with succeeding retreats, little by little, the world that contemplative prayer opens up, gently came into my awareness. Sitting there in silent prayer, day after day, hour after hour, constantly confronted by all that stark beauty, lovingly cradled in God's womb, I found I was somewhere else! Somewhere soft, peaceful, gentle and love-filled. Where the sunshine seemed warmer, stars shone brighter, the air felt clean and fresh, and I swear, it was a different moon.

My soul knew it, even as my body struggled to understand: I was home.

OUT OF MY MIND, INTO MY HEART

by Todd Friesen

Lombard, IL

On my flight from Chicago to Denver, my talkative seatmates clearly thought I was out of my mind: "You're not going to Snowmass to ski but to pray? For ten days?" I began to wonder if they were right after a snowstorm grounded my connecting flight and I found myself on a crowded van climbing over icy mountain passes. It was pitch dark by the time I arrived at St. Benedict's Monastery and so I just went straight to bed.

But the next day, I began to discover why I had sensed God calling me to this holy place. After stepping out into the early morning darkness, I lifted my eyes to see the dazzling Milky Way Galaxy overhead and suddenly saw a star shoot across the sky. Gathering in the chapel to pray, our group watched the rising sun slowly illuminate the nearby snow-capped mountains. Walking to morning worship, I lifted the earflaps of my winter hat and heard a silence so deep and full that it made my ears ring. At the monastery, the monks warmly welcomed us into their worship life and the abbot was soon calling each of us by name.

Our group of twenty travelled from as far away as Ireland to participate in this 10-day Centering Prayer retreat. Eight of these days were spent in Grand Silence, a time without speaking or eye contact. Its purpose was to wean us from all our usual distractions and to help us come into God's presence in an especially receptive way. We spent almost 4 hours each day in prayer, interspersed with worship at the monastery, delicious vegetarian meals, and free time for reading and hiking.
Thirty hours is a long time to sit silently before God in one week! I soon found the Holy Spirit bringing my whole life-like a movie—before my mind's eye. There were many wonderful memories. But I also discovered 47 years of accumulated regrets, resentments, and sorrows. As taught by Centering Prayer, I tried simply to let these painful memories come...and let them go to God. (Our retreat leader later added: "And don't forget to wave them goodbye!")

For the first few days our prayer times, though silent, were still quite noisy with coughing, restless bodies, and anxious breathing. But then, the silence slowly began to deepen. And after 3 days of emptying, we began to experience exquisite moments of being filled with "the fullness of God" (Eph 3:19).

On our last day, after the Grand Silence ended, many in our group shared how we had each discovered in some new way that God really is love—a love that is not only embracing and comforting but also purifying, healing, and liberating. We shared that, once we got a taste of the sweetness of God's love, all we wanted to do was empty ourselves of whatever else was separating us from fuller union with God.

During the retreat, Jesus' image of "the narrow gate" (Mt 7:13) became precious to me. In my journey toward God at the center of my heart, I often found myself arriving at this gate. It is so narrow that everything else has to be left behind in order to pass through it. There is actually only one "thing" that can pass through it: love!

‒ From CO Newsletter, July 2011

RELATIONSHIP ISN'T EASY

by Helen Druett

Kaleen, Canberra, Australia

I often wonder about my Centering Prayer practice even though I have been doing it for over 15 years. There are times when all seems well and then many times when I struggle lots as I stay with the practice.

It is something I cannot let go of. Even on some days when I delay my Centering Prayer, there is this hidden magnetic-like thread that draws me there despite my struggle. It never seems to get any easier –this letting go – and just being there for God, with God, in God. The "seeming nothing happening" yet so much going on below the surface of what I am aware of. This letting go and not seeing results or necessarily feeling something at the time is so difficult. Yet I seem to trust in the process and allow God to have God's way. And there are certainly times when I realize that God must be around when I am able to hold my tongue when I would rather make a negative comment or criticize someone. And I guess the times that I am able to show up despite the difficulties are also times when God is at work. It seems God wants me there with God, despite the struggle.

‒ From CO Newsletter, April, 2011

REFLECTIONS FROM A CENTERING PRAYER PRACTITIONER

by J. W.

Blue Island, Illinois, USA

An obvious fruit of Centering Prayer is how the experience of oneness, connectedness and love provides a special flavor to our daily life activities. I have experienced a profound appreciation and love for the spirit of co-workers for example who have in the past annoyed me. The world begins to look different with Centering Prayer I am more tolerant, less judgmental and arrogant and I appreciate God's subtle movement in and through people of all faiths, races, ethnic groups, nationalities, [etc]. Once you have tasted a love for the human race, it becomes too much work to decide whom to exclude.

‒ From CO eNews Bulletin, Oct.2010

GRATITUDE

by Fr. Richard Rohr, OFM

Adapted from Radical Grace: Daily Meditations, pp. 207-208

When Job's life is about to be taken away from him, he can say one of two things. He can curse God, as he is tempted to do, and say, "God, why not fifty-one years of life?" Or he can surrender to love and say, "God, why even fifty years?" Why did I deserve life at all? When we take on that attitude, we've made a decision for grace.

"Naked I came into the world, and naked I will leave," Job says (Job 1:21). What do we have, brothers and sisters, that has not been given to us? All is grace. All is given. Who gave me this hand? Who wiggles these fingers? Who created these eyes which I cannot explain or understand? I cannot even make this hair grow. It is all gift.

From beginning to end, everything is grace, everything is given. There is nothing that we have a right to or that we deserve.

GRATITUDE

The great commandment is not "Thou shalt be right." Instead, the great commandment is, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." Just stay inside of the Great Compassion, the Great Stream, the Great River of Divine Love. Don't push that river, just stay in it. You are already there!

All that is needed is surrender and gratitude. Our job is simply to thank God for being part of it all and allow it to happen. The many burdens we carry are not just ours. We are in this together. The sin that comes up in us is not just our sin; it is the sin of the world. The joy that comes up in us is not just our personal joy; it is the joy of all creation. We are in this together as the living Body of God.

All we can do is accept and give thanks.

‒ Adapted from Everything Belongs, pp. 89-90

Starter Prayer: Give thanks to God, for God is good.

by Grace Padilla

"To be in this world but not of this world".... I have often thought of this phrase. It speaks of the values that the world goes by : security, affection/esteem, power and control. These are the mind sets behind every advertisement, embedded in the success of the corporate world, the motivation of world leaders, and even my own in unguarded moments. Thus "to be in this world but not of this world" for me is to go by the gospel values instead of the values of the world that give a price for security, prestige, and power/control. The gospel values are enshrined in the values of the Beatitudes.

COMMENTARY ON THE BOOK, "THE EMERGENT CHRIST" BY SR. ILIA DELIO

by Chuchi Daroy

I believe creation is an ongoing God-driven process extending from the most ancient of times to our present and as yet, unfinished, sweeps beyond the conceivable future. In fact, the advent of the Holy Spirit has been re-creating the 'face of the earth' since the first Pentecost, since the Word came out of the dark void and brought life to light. Evolution is for me, present man's way of packaging this re-creation/transformation into principles we can grasp, distances and times we can measure, new forms we can gape at. Evolution is the leap in our consciousness that enables us to cope with the immensity of Holy Spirit's transforming power. Maybe several generations from today, they will call this re-creation by another name. God working in us empowers man through science, i.e. to mine the material world for new energy sources and to extend his gaze into the universe of nanomaterials. At the same time. God working in us empowers man's spirit to mine his soul in surrender to His presence, and train his consciousness to seek His face in this life. There is no dichotomy here, because He is the same God in our DNA and the only one Lord of all creation/re-creation/evolution. It is not for me to say when all is 'perfect' according to my measure and say that this evolution can stop – only God holds the measure of what is Perfect. Our purpose is to find Him, and face to face become One in Him.

I am also reading (devouring maybe) Pope Benedict XVI's book Jesus of Nazareth. He emphatically and in very lucid language walks the reader through the Scripture, which is the Life of Jesus Christ not only in the past, but also in the here and now, and in the time to come. Scripture/Word/Bible is the Presence of God amongst us – not just a Book. This Presence transcends the limits of language, culture, religion, generation. Definitely not passe, irrelevant, or a mere reference to the past. He is present in the wisdom, mystery, and holiness of all life - past, present and future. If the perception of the Bible in this manner has been diminished by our divisiveness, power struggles, and insatiable lust for satisfaction, it does not in any way negate the truth that God is present in the Word. After all, it is precisely this human way of giving 'value' and 'possessing' the bounds of creation that called for His death on the cross. Is evolution our path to salvation? In God's hands, yes, but if we try to make evolution into man's image and likeness, surely it will fail miserably.

‒ Reprinted from Lux-Divina Internet List, July 1, 2011